Good girls gone Bad!!

Miranda Hobbs, a super successful lawyer who graduates straight out of Harvard, goes on to become an attorney, then a partner, and then a single mom out of a mere accident, ‘mercy sleeping’ with her ex boyfriend Steve, to prove a point that he is still hot despite losing a testicle to cancer. This outrageously cynical character from the Sex and The City series epitomizes the present generation of women in powerful roles in the society, and their fathomable deficiencies in the matters of heart and relationships. Miranda Hobbs may be next only to the most celebrated characters Carrie the writer and Samantha the PR Head, but Miranda proves a point alright.

Yes, this is the American Television i’m talking about, yes, this culture is still a taboo in an Indian Civilization, and yes, these people still exist and yes, they are not very ‘celebrated’ in real life as compared to that of reel. We have many Mirandas in India; Single or married but single women in powerful positions, yet gone totally powerless in the matters of sentiments. Most of these women are not deprived – these women are not interested in serious relationships as they find it time consuming, exhausting, ‘loaded with emotional cry’ and an expense expended with no reason. They have four blockers to prepare, a client deal to close, a set up to acquire or a best seller to finish. Love, definitely, looks underrated in the midst of tight deadlines and oncoming takeovers in the mean world of men. And why not? isn’t that what men do as well?

The ideal set up in an Indian Civilization for a woman in the current means the following – study all you want, work till you are 25 maybe, explore whatever you need to, and then, please bend your head in matrimony. The realistic situation, on the other hand, is the growing number of powerful women with high profile jobs, expensive sedans, condos and active sex life. The women still have roots attached to the traditional ever existing nags from their families on the choice of life made to that of the more ‘comfortable’ one – a husband who may or may not waver, pregnancy and childbirth that will demand a sabbatical or a complete goodbye to careers, and reckless depressive choices made upon being left as neglected spouses. Why? Our mothers and grandmas have been dealing with cheating husbands, myriad partners and suppressed life, then so can we – but the most of us have chosen not to.

While the married life with compromises looks as ‘promising’ as it does with many sacrifices and less comforts, so does a life laden with independence and a great lifestyle with no strings attached. The only set back – societal acceptance which is slowly coming to terms and the women who have forgotten ’emotions’ for the lack of time.

We belong to the likes of Sitas, Anasuyas and Draupadis – but we have come off age. The expectations that have been exorbitantly placed on Indian ‘Naaris’ are brutally crushed by these powerful women who will wear a tie and kick some asses in the board rooms. The need to express love has been pushed back and the urge to rule has crept in – I don’t see why this choice should NOT be respected in the changing world.

The thing is, we women have stopped living in denial and started acting in defiance – if that includes lifestyle changes and culture shock – so be it. After all, it was the society and the careless men in our lives have driven us to do it, the tears shed in disappointments and heartbreaks would have led us to step over and step on to move ahead – while the West is celebrating the equality of sex, we shall go ahead and set the benchmarks.

And in the course of all this, if love COMES as it was promised by men over the decades, well…we will think about it..after this conference call please!!

Deepa Balasubramanian

deeps.balasubramanian@gmail.com

(The blogger is an Author in Indian Fiction, Copywriter, Content Writer and a Screenwriter in Tamil Film Industry)

The ‘leaving’ train!!

“My train is leaving, Deepa..and i have to find someone before that happens” says a 33 year old friend of mine, on the verge of making peace with her past and moving on to the unknown called future.

I have often misconstrued the message of love being constantly coded and decoded – something that most of us do, at various phases of our lives. Love is a phrase that starts from being affectionate, turns a corner to becoming adolescent cute, maritally complete, parental fulfillment and finally, familiarly ‘ugly’ – to most of us. The feeling then transcends to the other forms of ‘denial’, ‘acceptance’, ‘working it out’ and the classy ‘it would be the same either which ways’.

Either which ways – they say, the phrase refers to seeking companionship coupled with comfort and peace. My friend is one of the many who had battled a painful separation from her ex spouse. Like most of those who are ambitious, career driven and domestically complacent, she made a certain choice in the form of a life partner that quite, unfortunately did not work out as planned. The plans these days turn south on the counts of 8 to 10, and the odds are that most of us, will still make it. However, astonishment dawns on me about the present day women – talented, super human and never say die. The women in power and in charge of their lives, do still fear missing that train.

So what if the man did not come and there was no restoration of damage – caused partly by the imbibed societal values and pressures, and caused partly by self loathing and inner demons – we all live in the difficult times in the name of fairer sex. The times where no amount of blind trust or casual affairs or one time flings with one man help cope the pain rendered by another man. Ironically, they were all men, the men who we count on to reach out to us in time – where there is no fear of boarding the wrong coach or languish missing the ‘possibility’ of a right one.

We have single women hitting it late, single mothers, we have divorced parents, we have parents who try to live in to build a happier nest for their young ones. We also have married but childless women who resort to options other than seeking bliss through the right path – quite out of recklessness and nothing more. And then there is this category called home wrecks – the circumstantial outcomes of their own bad marriages and relationships, who like viruses, infect the other happy homes just because they like to go down the history as the ‘wrecking’ Marys of Oz.

Our women go on to chair the boards of a corporate giant, raise their voice against the social evils, pen a best seller, fight for justice inside a courtroom – but the ‘leaving train’ scares the forefathers out of us after hitting the mid thirties.

In the troubled times where we have all these powerful women all capable of bringing down a Troy, caught in wrong situations and burdened with expectations for ‘normalcy’, where is the solace to be called a woman to celebrate about. We so need to fight this war, win this battle and set an example, while on the other hand, we make a great progress with professions and technology. I do not want to remotely even connect with our mothers and grandmothers anymore. I do not care as to how they did it. The thing is – we are not able to, no matter what.

The panic of being trapped in a wrong train continues and the ones of it fear the possibility of missing to board the next. Well, as we continue to struggle repressing our desires, passions, dreams and succumb to live robotic, raise our children, make more men for the Nation and throw away health, we will all strive to hope for a better tomorrow – free of domestic assaults, rapes, spousal neglect and declining self esteem.

We are a nation of strong willed, head high women, sinking deep inside despite the progress elsewhere. The train will leave us any minute and we shall mentally tune ourselves to stay back.

Now, what did they say about women who do not mix with machinery?

Deepa Balasubramanian

deeps.balasubramanian@gmail.com

(The blogger is an Author in Indian Fiction, Copywriter, Content Writer and a Screenwriter in Tamil Film Industry)