“My train is leaving, Deepa..and i have to find someone before that happens” says a 33 year old friend of mine, on the verge of making peace with her past and moving on to the unknown called future.
I have often misconstrued the message of love being constantly coded and decoded – something that most of us do, at various phases of our lives. Love is a phrase that starts from being affectionate, turns a corner to becoming adolescent cute, maritally complete, parental fulfillment and finally, familiarly ‘ugly’ – to most of us. The feeling then transcends to the other forms of ‘denial’, ‘acceptance’, ‘working it out’ and the classy ‘it would be the same either which ways’.
Either which ways – they say, the phrase refers to seeking companionship coupled with comfort and peace. My friend is one of the many who had battled a painful separation from her ex spouse. Like most of those who are ambitious, career driven and domestically complacent, she made a certain choice in the form of a life partner that quite, unfortunately did not work out as planned. The plans these days turn south on the counts of 8 to 10, and the odds are that most of us, will still make it. However, astonishment dawns on me about the present day women – talented, super human and never say die. The women in power and in charge of their lives, do still fear missing that train.
So what if the man did not come and there was no restoration of damage – caused partly by the imbibed societal values and pressures, and caused partly by self loathing and inner demons – we all live in the difficult times in the name of fairer sex. The times where no amount of blind trust or casual affairs or one time flings with one man help cope the pain rendered by another man. Ironically, they were all men, the men who we count on to reach out to us in time – where there is no fear of boarding the wrong coach or languish missing the ‘possibility’ of a right one.
We have single women hitting it late, single mothers, we have divorced parents, we have parents who try to live in to build a happier nest for their young ones. We also have married but childless women who resort to options other than seeking bliss through the right path – quite out of recklessness and nothing more. And then there is this category called home wrecks – the circumstantial outcomes of their own bad marriages and relationships, who like viruses, infect the other happy homes just because they like to go down the history as the ‘wrecking’ Marys of Oz.
Our women go on to chair the boards of a corporate giant, raise their voice against the social evils, pen a best seller, fight for justice inside a courtroom – but the ‘leaving train’ scares the forefathers out of us after hitting the mid thirties.
In the troubled times where we have all these powerful women all capable of bringing down a Troy, caught in wrong situations and burdened with expectations for ‘normalcy’, where is the solace to be called a woman to celebrate about. We so need to fight this war, win this battle and set an example, while on the other hand, we make a great progress with professions and technology. I do not want to remotely even connect with our mothers and grandmothers anymore. I do not care as to how they did it. The thing is – we are not able to, no matter what.
The panic of being trapped in a wrong train continues and the ones of it fear the possibility of missing to board the next. Well, as we continue to struggle repressing our desires, passions, dreams and succumb to live robotic, raise our children, make more men for the Nation and throw away health, we will all strive to hope for a better tomorrow – free of domestic assaults, rapes, spousal neglect and declining self esteem.
We are a nation of strong willed, head high women, sinking deep inside despite the progress elsewhere. The train will leave us any minute and we shall mentally tune ourselves to stay back.
Now, what did they say about women who do not mix with machinery?
(The blogger is an Author in Indian Fiction, Copywriter, Content Writer and a Screenwriter in Tamil Film Industry)